Monday, October 09, 2006 @ 3:31 AM
How to be happy? face it: it never happens.
how can a person be happy? lets face the facts. we can never be happy. a person is never content with what he or she has and keeps complaining about it till someone gets pissed. you know what? im PISSED.
you think im not good enough? not a ideal person? fine, but stop rubbing it in. you dont need to speak dialect, i can understand you just the same. think im an idiot?
i can never be happy. not now. im despised, blasted with derision and the "oh dont come complaining" crap everyday. im sick of it. stop judging people by my actions. stop judging and comparing me to all those people who enjoy a perfect life. i hate it. i cant take it. heck, you'd think 17 years would give me an immunity to it. but its like AIDS you know, always there, acting in the background, and poof! one day you collapse from a simple flu.
oh hello, popping in to say hi? guess not, you leave without a word. were you looking at me or him? were you gazing at me through scornful eyes which blazes the words :"i hate you" ?
people tell me to be more optimistic. i tell them there is nothing in this world to be optimistic about. forget the wars, the nuclear bombs, the deteriorating environment -- this shit is happening right where you least expect it. i cant stand it anymore.
is there a vaccine for suffering? god, i want to be the first. i dont care if there are any side effects. I WANT OUT.
how can people say they care and all they seem to do is the opposite? maybe im just blind, insensitive, stupid even. maybe. but if you care, wont you understand my limitations? instead of complaining incessantly, how about acceptance for a change? you said it once : "change what you can, and leave be what you cannot." i thought it was a wise thing. now i know its all just hypocrisy. give me a SIGN dammit, to show that you care. dont flail me with a spiked whip and say "i love you" at the same time.
is there a god? maybe. i wonder if i could drop him a fax, a memo, a goddamn POSTER maybe, SEE HERE. DO YOUR JOB.
peace out.