Saturday, May 31, 2008 @ 8:42 AM
sometimes i wish i have a machine that could turn back time. the old times were still the best.
today i went out with my bros alford and pat. i met alford early, at about 11 at bugis. we went walking around and window shopping, looking for nice shoes and shirts. haha. and we saw this nice shirt at G2000! haha. maybe ill consider it when i go out with jon next week. he more on to buy lah, not like ford. hahaha.
so we bumped into dania while we were walking around. she was all alone and so SAD so we decided to keep her company for a while lah. i think she was surprised to see us lah. haha. out of the blue and random. but i could tell she missed us. xD
oh yeah and chao ah lian had this friend who she swears is chinese. but me and ford agreed that if we didnt know it before hand we would have mistaken her for malay. haha.
so dania and said friend left at about 1330, so me and alford decided to continue waiting for pat at starbucks. and my man arrived about 1500. oh yeah, both of them were wearing the caps i bought for them in the states! haha. coincidence eh.
so we caught narnia at 1550. long show man. but it wasnt bad, not fantastic either. haha. i gotta admit, you have to know your story well to understand what was going on.
we went our separate ways not long after the show, since we had appointments after. so i went home for my dinner, and i spent the rest of the night doing my assignment. and i went for a run. i managed to surprise myself by maintaining 3km in 15 minutes. haha.
i find that when im with people like my bros, i tend to forget all my problems and just fade away into the bliss i experience when im around them. its the kind of feeling used to get, when we spent our days together and made our own spaces in each others' lives.
i guess there are many things i would wanna change if i could go back in time. i would make a 1st stop 4 years back. and do the thing which i regret the most. then i would remain in limbo in my jc years. when i had the most fun and most tears.
now when i look at my life in front of me, i guess i can only move forward. its what i can make most out of it now, instead of reminiscing and whining about the past. if we're not meant to be, then we're not. but ill make our memories a part of me forever.
you will always be a part of me.
Friday, May 30, 2008 @ 8:30 AM
i hereby proclaim that life can be a misery. i have no idea where to begin.
im so conflicted with many things. how do i manage my life? how do i say things which matter the most, and yet could possibly ruin everything?
where do i begin and where do i end? can you believe how screwed this is. im 18 going on 19 and i STILL dont have any idea where i stand or what to do. i guess im over-reliant on people for that.
so many underlying problems with me. i know im not perfect, but i never knew i was fucked up.
oh damn i dont wanna go on.
goodnight people.
Saturday, May 24, 2008 @ 5:56 PM
im back for this short weekend break.
things are gonna heat up in OCS soon. and im not sure im ready for it. i mean, theres a limit to everything we do, right? what if i hit that limit? what if i cant go further.
i know we're supposed to be surpassing our boundaries and exceeding our limits. thats what our training is about. but its very demoralizing when you try so hard, and yet you're so far. the gap keeps getting bigger and bigger. and running is the only way to keep up.
im really afraid that i will fall out, that i wont make the cut. i wanna keep going, keep going further. and i definitely wanna make that officer rank worthwhile.
what some people dont realize about me is that i require peer support to move on. encouragement, approval or even recognition from the people around me are forms of affirmation and motivation.
superficial? perhaps i am. but i guess the psychological impact on the mind is there.
im just kinda tired of all this. my body is aching, my heart is empty.
my heart always goes with you. always.
Monday, May 19, 2008 @ 6:50 PM
im finally back! 3 weeks of confinement are over, and im now having my 3 day leave. haha.
field camp was tiring man. no further details required.
i learnt many things from my camp. tenacity will bring you a long ways away. its the tenacious who will survive the rough times. its the tenacious who will go the distance.
i spent my bookout day afternoon with my homie alford. we caught speed racer on the big screen. haha it wasnt a bad show if you dont count the kiddy animations and corny characters. the show is actually quite exciting.
it takes real men to stand up for whats right and what they believe in. its what makes them stronger and stronger day by day.
the next day was also spent at the movies, this time with AJ wushu! haha. we were supposed to watch AOD but in the end we caught What Happens In Vegas instead. and that, ladies and gentlemen, is a must watch for May 08.
two people, remarkably different, two different worlds. one love, one bond.
the rest went home after cos of book-ins, and dinners and school. leaving me and cs again. haha. his parents treated me to Sakae Teppanyaki. and even sent me all the way home. come to think about it, i didnt pay for a single meal yesterday. haha.
yeah thats about it. but i guess i really miss my friends. with so many things going on at once its not easy to have fun. too many commitments really can bring you down, so for now, im just gonna stick with what i have.
cheers yall.