Wednesday, February 28, 2007 @ 4:29 AM
today school was really tiring lah.
you put PE, physics tutorial, GP tutorial and econs lecture all in one day and you get a hell lotta snores. ZZZ. alford is was so tired he come and tulan me. wdh. but nevamind lah, seeing that i still owe him cash.. forgive him this time ahahahah. >.<
i think im seriously lacking something in my life. i cant seem to find enough motivation to do my best in everything. schoolwork sucks. i havent studied physics except when im making notes, i cant answer nuts during tutorials. dont get me started on other subjects. i think im gonna fail everything. shit.
PE.. is GG. pullups, running, freaking broadjump failed by a few centimetre nia.. gone case. and my PFT is term 2 week 1. not to mention that i consistently train. and no results. wdf??
wushu.. another GG. not much hope in winning for individual, my quan is so cocked up and staff how to beat shikai? oh shit. and according to marvel i still have a long long way to go. gone case, sadded life.
BGR.. ah screw it.
today had lion dance cai qing in school. took a damn long time to prepare, until coach and teng so pissed. goodness. went one round around the canteen, and i think we scared off the hockey girls! paiseh paiseh.. >.<
me and CS the clown lion went up first, started from the char kway teow stall and went clockwise from our perspective. sixu and waitsun the tall butt lion next. i think today was their best performance lah.
ah, den coach took over. first the drum den the lion head. GG. world's difference from either of our lion. totally owned. and the girl from our alumni also did once. also owning. ah well. two hours of noise in the canteen. just to malu and show how lousy we are.
see, even lion dance sucks.
shit lah, no more mood. gonna do my econs. shit.
Friday, February 23, 2007 @ 7:25 AM
one week over again. time really flies.
wednesday was the usual, stayed back to mugg again. nothing much eventful i guess.
thursday sucked. went all the way down to amk hub again. the bloody shop come and tell me the promotion is over. and last week they told me to come back after CNY. wanted to wipe that smile off that guy's face.
today training was supposed to be slack. but in the end we did PT all the way, then went to MPH to train our routines. goodness. i realised how far i am from standing a chance to win anything in the competition. my chances are so minute. hopefully zhijian and the rest can help me enough to improve. oh god.
have faith in me, have faith in yourself. if we hold on together, things will surely work out.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 @ 6:19 AM
phew, what a way to spend CNY.
four days of celebration and slacking gone in a whirlwind of red and gold.
had steamboat at home on saturday! still home cooked food is the best! haha. but in the end, still could not finish. oh well. what a waste of food.
day one was as usual, running here and thr and everywhere. great grandma's place in jurong east first, then back to YCK to ah gong's place. tio interrogation like siao. >.< headed to 2nd uncle's place and my turn to interrogate! ahaha. oh yeah and met an 8 month old pomeranian and collie cross breed. really pretty thing as long as she doesnt chew your sheets. finally to grandma's house at TPY for dinner. the usuals.
day 2 was just at aunty phoo yong's place for lunch. and chionged mahjong until my parents didnt want to wait for me and went home themselves. joined them back at home with my aaron and junxin. dad's colleagues and friends came over for dinner. guess what? we ate KFC and PIZZA HUT. Zzz. and again could not finish the food. managed to talk and settle stuff out. made me happier than ever. so happy i couldnt sleep. XD
day 3 was just lunch at grandaunt's place. visiting mum's friends. getting angbao. life could not just get any better.
if only you were hereschool starts tomorrow. cant believe its so fast. argh. good things can only last for so long.
but i hope we are foreverone has to encounter difficulty before success. that much is true.
Saturday, February 17, 2007 @ 12:23 AM
had school performance yesterday, did lion dance and wushu.. luckily nothing screwy happened.
the skies faded from a orange shade to grey, and the sun was setting in the evening sky.i just learnt that doing external lion dance makes a hell lotta cash. period.
he was walking down the road to her house; a long straight path with trees with crowded both sides of the road, and a hill obscured his peripheral vision of his destination.i also learnt that treasurers are majorly content when they have money in their funds.
he had flowers in his hand, and a carefully wrapped box of chocolates. he hummed a tune as he strolled, excitment and anticipation bubbling from his very exterior.i also learnt that spending hard earned money is really really enjoyable.
as he walked up and down the hill towards the red brick house, he pondered on how his later conversation should begin and end. self-conciousness set in, and he re-combed his hair just to be sure.i learnt how to bite a door. figuratively.
as he began his walk down the opposite side of the hill, he spotted the brick house; a thin stream of smoke was rising from the chimmney, and the delectable smell of roast chicken wafted through his nostrils.i learnt about peeling an apple in front of a lighted candle and a mirror. (dont try this at home!)
as he got closer, he spotted her on the veranda -- with someone else. he looked just like him, neatly parted hair, flowers and gift in hand.i also learnt about tying a red string around a banana tree. (disclaimer: insurance does not cover this.)
he looked distinctly familiar -- he had seen him somewhere before. he took a closer look. and wished he hadnt. it was his brother.i learnt the consequences of taking too much sugar.
he turned about his heel and began his walk back up the hill.i learnt about perserverance and pride; about truth and deception.
he took a deep breath and sighed. and as he did, he inhaled the scents of the trees, of his flowers, of the roast chicken, and of sorrow. teh scents were sweet. "Its not bad," he said. "At least now i have the stars for company." and he walked off into the night.I LEARNT ABOUT HOW DEEP FRIENDSHIP GOES.
Monday, February 12, 2007 @ 6:37 AM
no light at the end of the tunnel..
i dont want to make things difficult for any of us.. things are starting to get out of hand. i hate to tulan here and there, and then get high and happy again, only to fall harder each time i have to face the fact that things are not working the way i want it to be.
ill now play by ear, and see how things go. this is all the hope i have left, all thats left of me, and all i hold dear. i should begin resigning myself to the situation where all is lost, bleak and desolation sets upon; so that forgetting is a much less painful experience.
maybe its not meant to be, but deep in my heart, im hoping that i still have a chance..
Saturday, February 10, 2007 @ 5:55 PM
yest went to sentosa with the wushu ppl.. it was the most fun i had since this year. although none of the seniors went, it was really fun despite all the sunburns and skin peeling. bonding session really went out well haha.
i want all the photos! argh. suwen quick quick send me! and xinying send me those u took oso!
i discovered something yest, something which left me shaken and unstable. it was something i suspected for a long time, yet i didnt dare to confirm it myself until fate played its hand and i strayed too far into something which i should not have. fate perhaps, decided i should play around with cw's phone. tmd, if only he had deleted those msgs.
many ppl are telling me diff things now, confess lah, keep trying, jiayou.. blah blah blah. but i dont know if i want to give up.
i dont want things to turn out wrong between us, i dont want to sour relationships and feel awkward and paiseh if things turn out wrong. which has a high probability. feelings are funny things eh? the way they control your life and fuck it up so much.
too many things at one time, too much to handle. im cracking up. god save me.
everytime i cry i see you smile, and everytime i close my eyes, i realise.. that you're fading away from me.. you are becoming out of reach, gliding off to another place..
all i want is to be okay
Saturday, February 03, 2007 @ 6:56 PM
how can you tell friend from foe? how do you know that the people who you think are close to you are not really those who hate you the most?
doesnt the world now seem so much more cramped and smaller than you thought it was? suddenly claustrophobia kicks in, and you begin to doubt everything, everyone, down right to your own existence.
the truth hurts. truth is hateful. truth is an irony onto itself. the reality is that deception, lies, hate, backstabbing; they are all part of your existence. life sucks.
silver lining? all things fade to grey.
maybe we should get our peers to wear tags declaring who's our enemies and who's our friends. if only the human heart was transparent.
if you hate me, say so. if you dislike me, say so. if you despise me, say so. and say it to my face. dont go around and fucking talk behind me, or scheme behind me, or FUCKING PRETEND YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
friday sucked, the weekend sucks, everything just sucks.
"when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight, it ends tonight"
Friday, February 02, 2007 @ 7:45 AM
i hate these thinking. pessimism may be realism. but when its not, the world comes crashingly painful down on you.
is there something which is going on that i dont know about? should i know about it? please dont hide from me. im too afraid to go in there alone.
Thursday, February 01, 2007 @ 6:29 AM
woah, first time can blog on weekday. actually, im not supposed to. but since i finished my work in school (WOAH) i am free tonight! hahah. haiz. but im also quite shacked. came back from school, reaching home at about 930. after lion dance training.
during training we started on
chi qing, which is actually the lion eating the offerings! its the most fun part of the whole routine, cause this time the drums have to follow your cue! ahahah. easier.
econs and gp lessons are becoming more productive. im not sleeping or dozing off during lessons anymore. thats good.
kept thinking of you today. i dont know why. it can never be. why did you have to come into my life like this, and not go away, but stay in a deep corner; benign and yet piercing through my soul? its like a fish hook, and its caught me. but im bleeding so bad, so bad.
what is happening? i cant understand this. is this how you feel? please tell me the truth. why is this happening for gods sake?