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LM.C
夜空に描かれた
The night sky is drawn with
星を繋ぐ物語
a story connected by stars.
その胸焦がれる幻想
It's an illusion my heart yearns for.
忘れてしまうだろう
You'll definitely forget
肩につもる悲しみは
That all the grief you bear on your shoulders have been
流れる星の手に抱かれて
embraced by the arms of a shooting star.
i just love this guy. he's so loyal, he gives his all, and he never look back when it comes to protecting his friends. even though people may give up on him, he himself never gives up on others.
im done thinking, im done wasting my time. i can channel my energies better into my studies. cant imagine how much of my time has been lost on these stupid thoughts. i will buck up, i will focus. as my bro kangrui said, we will leave them (teachers) speechless!
im really scared now. i wasnt this scared during the Os. i wanna ace my As. i WILL ace them. and ill show you, i wont succumb to false hope.
tuition early tomorrow, den makan at amoy street, den go pei nyukmin at eunos to see what those people are up to. haha. and ill be back home to my studies. i have yet to finish my electrolysis and radioactivity, and my maths. gotta get stats done by wednesday! jiayou!
But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
难道一直以来,我们的感情已经不在? i dont wanna get hurt again.
it all started with me reading something which came up on dean's blog, on friends and friendship. and one thing led to another, and now the ultimate question is: how do you know if they're truly your friends?
yeah sure, they might hang out with you and talk and crap and all that bullshit, but in the end, you never know if they're talking and stabbing you in the back. all those smiles and comforts may all just turn out to be some elaborate facade veiling the truth.
and when I think about it, with me being so damn pessimisitic already, who knows? the people you think are your closest friends might not be at all. okay, they might not go to the extent of backstabbing you, but they might not reprocicate the friendship and trust that you have shown and shared with them.
there is still a distance, and a void, when you come to think of true friends. how many of your classmates from secondary school and primary school still keep in contact with you? and how many bother to contact you first? heck, i wonder if people from your jc will remember you in the future. to me, if you dont leave something worth remembering, then your existence has been wasted.
and when someone you truly love and care about, tell you that they too feel the same way, you're supposed to be happy, right? but why is it so that up till now, something feels missing?
i wanna be there with you, for everything you go through. and not always waiting for that phonecall to come, and for small talk. i need to FEEL you right there next to me, and not just hear you talking.
i used to have this belief: that friendship is something that does not need to be reprocicated -- it should be something you give, and not ask for back. isnt that what friends truly mean? to give one's all and ask for nothing in return.
and i did just that. i did my best to spread positivity into other people's lives, trying to make their day brighter jus a little bit. no matter how alone, how desperate, how cold i was, i still did my best to warm up to others. it felt good after a while, when the realisation that you established an invisible bond between yourself and another individual. its like, you find more worth in your existence than ever before. just listening to people rant, or lending a shoulder when they cry, and even laughing at seriously lousy jokes, that can make people happier just for a minute. and it seemed worth it.
and now, here i am thinking thats all bullcrap and i wasted my time. i believed in it for so long, i wanted to prove my dad wrong that people just come and go in our lives. i had believed that no matter what, people would always remember what it was like to have a true friend. even if it was just for a moment.
seems all past tense now. i really hope that im wrong this time, that the truth is people dont value you for what you do, but CHERISH you for what you've done for them. i really want to be happy again. im tired of giving up myself, im tired of doing things without consideration for myself and only about others. im fucking sick and tired of being the one who has to look superficially happy and smile and laugh and in the end, he's all alone drawing circles in the dust in the dark.
maybe tomorrow will be better.
call me okay.
this week was the usuals. nothing much interesting, save movy fest on friday! harry potter and the order of the phoenix! kudos to my man alford and his team for organizing such an event man.
the show wasnt bad, cos there was EMMA WATSON. damn, she's hot. and huey yuen went to take picture of himself posing next to her life-sized poster. wow lah.
o6o6 went in search of makan after. and as we expected, no place to accomodate 13 people. we settled for NTUC sushi in the staircase landing. LOL.
oh yeah, i have get to report my (screwed) results. here goes:
GP: C
Physics: C
Chemistry: D
Math: U
Econs: U
heh. not quite the expected, but life sucks eh.
but its okay, its alright, i shall start working hard! yeah, not "keep", but "start". god, i have so much to catch up on. but i guess once i get started, it shouldnt be hard to maintain the momentum.
i only hope i can manage the balance between mugging and other stuffs. i dont wanna stop wushu or bball and stuff. its all about management. and i have to do it right this time. no more chances.
go daryl go daryl go daryl go!
HAHA. xP
now i already have not enough time. what happens when i get busier?
term 3 is here to signify school's return, and with a vengeance. not only did our results come back a tad disappointing, teachers dont seem to let up and keep going on about the prelims coming and stuff. i completely agree with my man patrick, its too much to take at the moment. its rubbing it in.
but i guess its not all lost and gone to me. i STILL feel guilty when i slack off. but then again. i need more motivation.
physics was really sad. i gave up 20++ marks for being careless, and my first A grade since JC. crapped. math, as expected, GG. a dead U.
and econs! wahseh, the most depressing. flunking the case study with NAQs all over was bad enough. and mr toh mentioned howard did well, but failed. AND i defined the question wrongly. INFER from that.
i gotta finish up my holiday homework this weekend. meaning 3 essay outlines and an essay to boot. not forgetting math and chem. back to the grind.
i love you. ><
first day of school was still okay lah. managed to stay awake and finish a tutorial. amazing huh, i actually did my work. haha. i went to train for a while after that. practiced my jumps. not much improvement leh, maybe i should do more PT. can also help me train for my NAPFA retest.
today not as good, cos there was PE. actually, i thought it would turn out okay lah. but then go to the track and see the hot sun, i really sian diao-ed already. ran two rounds like running marathon. this is pathetic man, i gotta train more. anyway, me and pak thought we can escape the holiday make up lah! but who knows? i sit down only then heard my name called. GG. 7 make ups. beat that.
bloody conduct problem.
career fair was also a GG, i guess we were too damn tired to listen well. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
what am i saying? there's afternoon PE AND GP lecture. how can that be good? ><
ciaoz fellas, cya around the weekend.
and after the dust settles, peace and serenity sets in.
take care of yourself.
met up with gan min first for makan at outram. late as usual. haha. so we went to the chinatown hawker centre for budget makan. we then went to city hall to meet the couple. LOL.
happens that syl's girl pearlin is similar to dear gan min! haha. oh wells. at least they can click well. haha.
and i also realised each time we meet up its at cityhall. haha. we must change venue next time.
so we went gelare for kopi and then to marina for pool. ah sylvester is really the 宝 cue 未老 lah! so long never play still own me. tsk. tmd lah play liddat one game dun need end le. haha.
i had to rush home 'cos im the eggs delivery on call. haha. sorry i couldnt send you home eh? ><
yeah thats about it. me and my boring life. zzz.
confusion, paranoia. i dont even know where i stand. its like trying to take a step in a ground covered with banana peels. one step and you fall.
who am i to you? and where do i stand in your heart? its cold here.
the promise i made, the promise i wont break. after so long, i still realise that i cant change.
BMTC school 1 AJ wushu
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