Saturday, June 28, 2008 @ 11:53 PM
okay. i just learned that ill be confined again. there goes my next weekend. jeez.
anyway, this block leave seemed quite short.
after our route march lasting from tuesday - wednesday, i had my social night function. thanks to cuishan for being my partner that night! xD
went out after social night for late night movie. we caught Zohan at cine, then ate at Gloria Jeans. slept at 4, woke at 8 by my mum. she cleverly decided to let the dog do the work and wake me up. some thanks.
thursday, went shopping with mum.
friday, went out with AJ wushu juniors. pool, lunch, movie, pool. yeah. bonding sessions my fav. x)
saturday with kr, wil and gang. went army market, then caught Wanted on the big screen. i should try the bend bullet thing someday, with my SAR21. haha. arcade. lost terribly to olk at Ghost Squad. he is tmd pro.
today. bball in the morn at fragrant wood. not bad, i still retained my touch. haha. wil and olk on fire. cabbed home (omg) to rush home for lunch. now im stoning here writing about my week cos there's absolutely nth else to do.
somebody save me.
@ 11:37 PM
haiz. block leave over so fast. time really flies when you're having fun. just thinking about booking in tonight makes me feel so sian.
i guess army really deprives you of the outside world. we are an isolated species, cut off from our peers and friends and family, not knowing what happens or how the world changes.
inside the army we do not experience compassion for our weaknesses, but rather the consistent pressure to overcome it. inside the army we do not experience the joy of external comprehension, but rather the fruits of experience. inside the army, we truly do not have the comfort of close friends and listening ears, the solace of a loved one, nor the warmth of another heart.
an isolated species.
we are not given opportunities to expand our knowledge of the world, but rather of methods to effectively disable our opponents. we are not given much opportunities to express our vanity and image, but rather learn how to apply camo cream properly.
inside the army, i spend more time thinking about what to do with my life than actually doing it. wtf.
and when im out, i realise that i cant really do anything about it, and that doesnt improve my mood alot.
when we're out, we see people earning a decent pay, learning to drive, attending uni camps, getting a girlfriend(s), moving on with their life. where's the silver lining, i say?
i wonder how some people make it work; get things moving when i cant seem to, these people make it look easy. some people are able to overcome impossible odds, and whether by luck or simply prodigious skill, make their lives better.
oh i give up ranting. wth this happens every book in.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 @ 12:37 PM
service term is finally over!
we finished it off with our gruelling 24km route march to Elephant hill, where we had our senior bar presentation. this route march was my longest ever, topping the 16km i did in BMT. all in all, i think we clocked maybe approximately 30km in this march. so this is a new achievement for me. haha.
and we are finally pro term cadets! for me, staying in infantry is gonna be tough, so i better get my ass moving and begin some serious training.
social night! highlight of the day.
we booked out at around 1530, chiong-ed home. i rushed to shower and change up and eat something before i left (since i missed breakfast AND lunch), then called my cab to pick cuishan up.
arrived EARLY, so decided to bring her around the campus for a small guided tour of SAFTI MI. x) oh yeah, she wore the necklace i bought, so i was quite happy. hahaha.
social night event was okay lah, not too good organization and planning. but good effort! try harder next time neh.
we exchanged contacts and took photos, especially with those going to support arms. we introduced our dates to the commanders and fellow cadets. thanks to PC for malu-ing me ah.
wasnt feeling tired after social night, so me and cuishan went down to town and watched You Don't Mess With The Zohan. haha. lame show, crude humour. but funny nonetheless. and the female lead is quite chio! haha.
cuishan was feeling hungry after the movie, so we decided to go find something to eat. the kopitiam across the road didnt have dessert, and NYDC was closed by then, so we settled for sharing a blueberry cheesecake at Gloria's.
sent her home by cab, came home myself. damn, taxi fare damn ex. total spent $80 on taxi fare alone today. zzz.
hmm..
anything can happen..
Saturday, June 21, 2008 @ 3:38 AM
im back from confinement!
two weeks due to fieldcamp, another week of guard duty. woah.
and service term ends next wednesday.
posted to infantry. nbcb.
aiya. nth much to say. wad else is there to talk about nowadays.
cheerio.
Sunday, June 08, 2008 @ 1:22 AM
...and how about roads that don't yawn
amongst sleepy homes or roots that don't
cry with the tragic rain or hills that don't
dip into mellow smiles?
how about stars that don't blink away the
tears of night or seas that don't breathe
a satisfied moan or a sun that doesn't
beat with a cosmic love?
but how about a mouth with no stutter
or legs with no tremor
or hands without another?
@ 1:08 AM
going in soon..
GG le lah. i never do my MOI work, never settle things properly this week.
spent so much money im back to square one. wtf am i doing man.
i keep going off track. wdh? so much for trying my best.
i end this week with so many regrets. im going outfield with so many worries. im leaving with a heavy heart.
burdened and alone.
too many problems, no solutions.
haha, and people said i should get a girlfriend. geez.
if only my physical endurance could be ask strong as my emotional endurance.
Friday, June 06, 2008 @ 8:57 AM
i talked to jonathan today about my problem.
and i guess what he said to me made a lot of sense. i guess thats all that i have left. change, or bear and grit it.
so i guess thats what ill do. i shall live up to their expectations of me, and my own expectations of myself. ill be what i can be, who i truly am, not for others' sake but rather my own sanity and happiness.
and ill stay strong.
thanks nyukmin for being one of the few people who actually bothered to ask and show concern about my problems. these are the people whom you know will stand for you in the rain and support you all the way.
have faith, stay strong.
raise or lower standards? what he said makes sense.
Thursday, June 05, 2008 @ 11:46 AM
everyone is turning their backs on me. just turning, and leaving.
ignorance seems to be a common trend in people around me now. its okay. i think i can take just that bit more of ignoring and invisibility.
utility is the power word of today. make use of people, cast them aside, move on. and guess what, the list of people i can use is endless, since im so goddamn friendly.
is that what friends are about?
let alone people close to you.to me, friends are people who would take your burden and share your load. its these people who make your day seemingly easier. they take your mind off things. they ease the pain. they dont complain.
have i ever complained? have i ever made noise?
im here to share your pain.why do people need appreciation? according to Mazlow's hierarchy of needs, affliation ranks third. affirmation and appreciation gives people self-esteem. self-esteem gives people confidence.
confidence goes two ways. it takes the bearer to know what he/she is doing. it also takes the people around him/her to recognize that and appreciate it. thats what friends are for.
but i guess when people are too caught up in their own world they dont realise that there are other people out there to support them. instead of believing in those people as well as themselves, some would rather choose to lock themselves up in their tiny fortress and choose to ignore the people on the other side. everyone lives in seclusion.
yeah, let the whole world beyond those walls rot. they dont mean anything.
i have given so much, only to get back so little. and yet i am content. i have shared so much hard times and rough waters, only to feel double the pinch 'cos it has a different affect on my psyche. i have been through so much with my friends. and this is who i am, now and forever, to always be the one tanking through all the pain and suffering. face it. i am here to stay, like it or not. have it your way.
i have never been so hurt, one after another, in my life.
its all right if im unappreciated. its alright if im being used.
y'know what? i think its all right if i just disappear without a trace someday.
cos maybe then people will understand what bonds and peers and friends truly are. takes one death to educate a million, right?
take me as example. spare the 999,999 poor souls who dont know what they're missing.
let them live w/o suffering and be content with their solitude and walls of grey.
let those who truly care feel the real pain. not because they're overly emphatetic, but rather because no one truly cares.