Sunday, April 27, 2008 @ 5:13 AM
woke up kinda uneasy today, since i slept so damn late last night. i guess i was more worried about other stuff than my own rest. i only went to bed when i decided that my phone wouldnt ring. so thats that.
so in the end i didnt have to go down to tpy that early, since dad was at home. so mum and sis went down in the morning, i stayed at home to coach my brother's homework. had char kway teow for lunch! and i went off to tpy myself after that.
grandma is really sick. a cancer re-relapse. and she's not looking too good.
i discussed with mum on how to manage my own finance. and i think i will stick with the OCBC false savings idea. i guess it would be better to cut off my own flow of money than to leave it hanging and tempting.
i met kr and yingtong at bishan. they were leaving after their treat from ahma's dad! so good lah. den me and wil dun hav. zzz. yingtong like grow taller leh! or maybe its her shoes lah. i learnt that girls use their shoes to GREAT advantage. and kr looked damn small standing next to us lah. haha.
so i went with kr, wil and kh for their first book-in. as usual, recruits have their pre book-in syndrome. haha. i did my best to comfort them lah, but i guess the feeling needs getting used to. but its alright, cos we'll see each other again on labour day!
and i bumped into many friends at pasir ris, since EVERYONE was booking in. that included my previous PC and commanders. haha. it was good seeing them again and talking crap with them. and makes me miss the old times.
i do miss the old times. but there are some things now i wouldnt give anything to lose.
why is heaven so unkind? she has fought your demons twice, and won. why do you plague her again and again? she was a healthy person who exercised regularly. she has a good heart. she cares more for others than herself. why do you try to take her away from the people who love her, time after time?
things are happening too quick. too many troubles in such short time. what if something were to happen while im away? i dont think i can handle it.
ive been thinking for very long. and i dont think i should, or could, change the way i am. for better or for worse, this is who i am. i may change my perception, but i guess things will always stay the same.
the same, miserable same.
Saturday, April 26, 2008 @ 8:54 AM
im back again! and this time ill take a long leave of absence. the next time i will be able to update will be 18th of may. so dont miss me too much people.
so another week passes by. we learn more, and more is expected of us. i wont say life is easy, cos its not. its stressful to be in OCS, cos we are expected to perform our best 24/7. that leaves us no time for other things we wanna do. result? tired, smelly and hungry cadets.
but its okay lah, i guess we tend to take things in stride now, after all we are known to be a decisive force. i shall persevere! and i shall show everyone how strong i can truly be.
anyway, today is bookout day! we were supposed to bookout after dinner, but guess what? the cookhouse no food. so in the end just scan and zao. LOL? so i booked out w/o dinner.
joined wil, kr, cw, teo and gang at plaza sing. waited damn long for their movie to finish, and we ate dinner at pastamania. it was good seeing them again, after so long. and talking crap about army and just chilling out.
and i bumped into jon, whom i was supposed to meet tomorrow but in the end kena cancelled. see, if we're meant to meet up, we're meant to meet up. LOL.
we parted our separate ways after dinner, but ill be seeing the wushu gang on labour day! and thats something to look forward to.
faith, not fear.
Saturday, April 19, 2008 @ 8:18 AM
bookout weekend!
i dont know how to describe my time spent nowadays. my life is now to the Army. haha. but anyway, i was really glad to be home. i really miss my family.
anyway. today went out whole day. morning was movie with jon and brandon at AMK hub. we watched the Forbidden Kingdom. its pretty nice, with great fight scenes! oh wells thats what you get when you put 2 of the greatest martial artists together in a movie. haha.
my dear clarissa wasnt out of bed yet by the time the movie ended, so i accompanied jon and brandon for lunch. so we talked crap and caught up with each others lives. haha. den we went to walk around AMK hub, and me and jon found these really cheap shirts we liked! haha. so we decided to buy them the next time we went back.
met clar at the mrt station, and we went town. had lunch at Azabu Sabo. haha. the food was pretty good, and the ice cream was
oiiiishhiii~ xD
i then followed her on her favourite past time, aka shopping. haha. but im used to it already lah, so okay lo. afterwhich i followed her to her dance studio, and went walking on my own around bugis.
after spending a couple of hours alone in town, i went back and we went for dinner. had 2 plates of noodles (好吃!), then we went back to city hall to shop around again. brian wasnt feeling too good and headed home first, so i sent clar home.
took cab back, and kena whacking by some bengs. the worst way to end a bad day i guess. ouchie. well, i gave them the BJ treatment too. ill bet a couple of them wont be sleeping well tonight. wahhahaha. ouch. x(
in the end, it didnt matter. no matter what i thought, what i planned, what i did. it didnt matter in the end.
life has no meaning for me. at least he does things for a reason. i do things for an invalid reason. and now my actions has no purpose.
in the end, i realize no one truly understands me. is my character too hard to comprehend? none of it made sense anyway. but i dont blame them. the way i do things, the way i keep my feelings in a box, its no wonder people arent aware of them.
to others, i suppose i appear shallow and superficial; a person who says passing things and have no concern for others. it that truly who i am? am i so useless, so hopeless, so utterly redundant in this world?
i was a fool to think that people knew, that people understood, that people genuinely cared. i was a fool to believe in such mundane things.
i have never, ever, felt so alone in this world.
Saturday, April 12, 2008 @ 10:23 AM
im finally out of camp. there goes 3 weeks in a flash.
it has certainly been a memorable experience. i guess i learnt a lot of stuff these 3 weeks. things that changed my perception of things in an entirety. leadership is much more than it seems.
things have more meaning to me now. every little action, every little thought, every little perception makes a difference. and how do you make a difference? you think beyond yourself. you believe that nothing lasts. pain is an illusion. think collectively.
these are but a few things that leadership encompasses.
my life is a whirl now. i have many things to consider, many different veto factors in play.
things have gone smoothly. and yet, inevitably, i still feel a pang of regret. to compromise, or to be objective?
things should work out. i hope.