Sunday, December 31, 2006 @ 10:14 PM
its the new year! hello 2007! here comes the bandwagon of shit and stress and more and more homework..
this new year is kinda sad and boring i guess. peaceful, you could put it. but boring, nonetheless. i stoned at home, did not drink, i didnt even get high. what kind of a new year is that? one full of anticipation i guess.
still, there are resolutions to be made, people and things to be grateful for.
to all the people in my life and have made it brilliant, i just want to wish you all a very happy new year and best wishes for the year ahead.
anyway, there's a family potluck tomorrow! cant wait. ahahah. and im probably staying over since their place is so near school. then its ogl. time flies..
Saturday, December 30, 2006 @ 6:01 AM
another case of waking up to the alarm clock and going back to sleep. this time from 8am to 1030am. cant believe how much of a pig im becoming. and OGL workshop was tiring anyway.
had fun during calling the jc1s last night. its fun and interesting to talk to complete strangers eh? but its an experience. some of the people listed gave either wrong numbers, numbers not in use, or in my case a fax machine number.
managed to upload the contact list on time, thank goodness.
went through the programme details and did my homework. ack BORING.
bad dreams, but at least i slept.
alford is right, im not going to let this torment me. i shouldnt.
patience is a virtue, so wait i shall. but i will no longer let u torment me. perhaps the quiz was right. i can choose what depresses me, and what doesnt.
Friday, December 29, 2006 @ 6:11 AM
had ogl refresher course today. had to wake up damn early, something i had not done since school holidays started. the water at 615 was freezing cold, even despite the heater being on. need to
duan lian my
shen zi a bit more to tahan the cold.
briefings and more briefings.. getting kinda used to it by now.. hahah.
dance session was fruitful, managed to recall all the dances. woot!
ended about six, went home tired and hungry.
bloody ulcers.. killing me from inside..
just like you, you're killing me from within. tearing, ripping me apart, from inside.
disease u cant fight, pain u cant kill, scars u cant fade.
i have no place in your heart. none at all.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006 @ 11:13 PM
bored at home. yesterday was fun, and i enjoyed it. i was happier than i had been for a while. as long as it lasts.
nothing much this time, so im spamming quizzes. here goes.
| Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover |
You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.
You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.
Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| You Are 21 Years Old |
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
theres more to come.. the next i really couldnt resist.
| You Are Wonder Woman |
A true goddess, you have the strength and skills to rule the world.
You're one sexy amazon... all of the superhero guys are fighting over you! |
yeah, i couldnt believe it either.
| Your Depression Level: 40% |
You may be depressed.
While you can be moody, your moods generally fall within the range of normal.
It's up to you to decide if you're depressed... or if you're simply having a bad week. |
up to me? thats new..
| You Are 80% Gentleman |
You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners.
Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices! |
hahahah! in your face hwee teng! =P
okay this is the last one.
| Your Hidden Talent |
You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think! |
like i said. bored.
Monday, December 25, 2006 @ 6:29 AM
went playing squash with my cousins today! the people who went: bingwen, shiyun, junxin, aaron, junyue.
had fun playing squash today, even though i was super rusty. i havent touched a squash racquet in ages. until today lah.
oh yeah, merry christmas everyone! i hope i didnt miss anyone out in my smses.
nothing here today. let me enjoy my christmas alone, and in peace.
Saturday, December 23, 2006 @ 5:43 AM
another wasted day, time flying away. time seems so irrelevant, so surreal now that im always subconsciously preoccupied. so many things to do, so little time.
hope. quintessentially the source of man's greatest strength and his greatest weakness. quoted from the matrix reloaded. however truthful it may seem, hope seems to have its darker side. its perspective, perhaps, how hope affects individuals. coming from me, the realist aka pessimist, i give all hope to others but leave none for myself.
at my peak and prime, hope seems to provide me strength and incentive to carry on. incentive, i might add, is different from motivation. incentive is much like a pull factor, whilst motivation is a push factor. hope is the reason, perhaps, that people excel at what they do best. and perhaps explaining my screwed up physics grade. why? 'cause people give up too easily. i have yet to meet a person who is truly strong-willed to carry on even after suffering setbacks. this is reality -- people are scarred by their failures, no matter how small or insignificant their failures can be. its the psychological effect of failing, which makes success look so much more bleak. and hence, people then tend to focus on what they're succeeding at, instead of paying attention to their mistakes. and that, friends, would be the cause of the downfall of intelligence, at the hands of emotions.
hope, the escape route for all failures. what a way to describe it.
and then again, when im down for the count, when im wallowing in self-pity, when im reflecting and cursing the pompous people who think they can carry on. it disappears. completely. its funny isnt it? that things we need the most vanish when we need them most? reality bites.
i may not seem like much, but dont hate me for being realistic. dont hate me for hating myself for not being strong enough. dont. please dont.
i admit, im weak. not physically, but psychologically; emotionally. im a sucker for novels, you know why? 'cause it brings me into a world where things which can never happen, happen.
im missing my better half; im missing a part of me. that part of me is you. or is it? perhaps im still delusional. perhaps im still dreaming. why is it i dont have the strength to look forward? 'cause reality just sucks.
Thursday, December 21, 2006 @ 6:08 AM
haiz. painful day i guess.
lost hope. completely.
"i love it when it rains, 'cause no one can see me cry"
im starting to love the weather..
Tuesday, December 19, 2006 @ 4:47 AM
rainy days.. really kills my mood. cant go out, stuck at home. it kind of forces me to do my holiday homework. which just bites.
cant wait for thursday, and next tuesday~ (:
oh well. boring is would how you could describe my life now.
okay, question of the day: how do you start to
jio a girl? i mean, its totally ridiculous to ask such a question. but if ever posed to you, what would you reply? is there a textbook answer? maybe different people would answer differently, and different people would accept different methods. oh well. people claim that dating, works. well, strike one, 'cause im seriously financially incapable of doing that. others tell me that if things click, then its all a go. how the hell you know if things click? its so difficult to read a woman's heart. ah hell with all this.
IGNORE THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH.
oh shit, im really going nuts. im thinking too much. its bad, you know. i dont even know why im thinking the stuff i am today. i seem changed, especially after that day. it seemed all prospectful at first, now i seriously need to reconsider and recollect myself. ive been.. hurt too much to want to try this again. and im still afraid of getting hurt again.
why do you fill my thoughts so? my dreams, even. im not safe in my sleep. not there. where can i find solace? i feel empty, cold. so.. alone. oh god what am i doing? id better stop my ranting. ill end here.
Saturday, December 16, 2006 @ 4:42 AM
alford went off this morning. when the alarm from my phone rang at nine, i felt as if i didnt sleep at all. "only you..." wahseh. what a way to wake up.
was supposed to go singing, but then in the end cancelled as the rest wanted to stay home and watch da chang jin. oh well.
i wanna cut hair..
i dreamt of you last night. it was a good dream. and i didnt want to wake up. goddamn phone. why do my thoughts linger around you? why does my sub-consciousness keep finding your face, no matter how much i push it away? it seems, wrong, somehow.
Friday, December 15, 2006 @ 5:20 AM
intensive study session with alford today! he came over my place in the morning and we mugged our day away. well, at least most of it. hahah.
managed to finish my math up to summation. and chem up to the essay questions.
nothing much more interesting today. oh yeah, except alford the poor guy is sitting opposite me and doing his council proposals. sad case man.
im not picky. i never was. but i think i have the right to be picky when it comes to affairs of the heart. but its not fair if im not given the choice. why it is i have to wait? im sick of waiting. im sick, tired and confused. things happen so suddenly that i cannot react. if only time could go back, im sure i will make things turn out differently. who wouldnt? given the chance to go back and correct your past mistakes?
maybe its time to stop saying "i want this" and ask myself "what do other people want". lets go beyond the boundaries that bind us to ourselves. be who we want to be, not just merely who we are.
Thursday, December 14, 2006 @ 12:07 AM
now at kangrui house waiting for them to finish bathing.
played badminton from 1pm to 3pm. me, kr, wilson, sixu and zhen en went. 5 people playing. me and sixu played doubles against the rest. hahah. we work quite well together, not bad!
last night on the train, i ran into huan yuet. and her stead. ahahah. they didnt notice me until the train was reaching her station. hahah. i was so tired that i didnt even bother to go over and say hi. and i wouldnt want to intrude either. hahah. oh wells.
gonna go for the j2 farewell dinner soon! its at bugis seoul garden. at least i can go this time. i had to plead and beg. but i think it was worth it. the wushu people are good people. all of them are. im gonna prove you wrong.
the heart is a complicated thing. things happen when u least expect it. and that totally sucks. why do things always work the way you dont want it to? why does your life seem to revolve around the rest of the world? life is so much more complicated than we always think it is. every time we think we got things under control, life turns around and kicks you in the stomach. so much for mental preparedness.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006 @ 9:48 PM
stupid weather yesterday. in the end cannot play badminton. argh. looks like have to wait for sixu to book court liao. haiz.
i really feel as though my time is wasting away in this last two weeks of holiday. im studying, doing what i should be doing, yet i feel that i could have done something more. something more useful. instead of reading and doing my homework and getting nagged at all day. whats the point if people are insatiable? its useless.
ever get that feeling of desolation? whatever you do its never enough for yourself? you cant be satisfied no matter what people say or think. oh god. im useless.
training later. i gotta leave at four. oh well. and its the j2 farewell dinner tomorrow. just thinking about it makes me headache again. i really dont know how im gonna handle this.
i dont understand what is wrong with having training in the evenings! its better than the afternoons. other people dont revolve around to individual whims and fancies. neither do ours! the best that i can do now is to plan ahead and work my way around the timings and appointments i have. true, i dont have to attend to all. but cant you trust me enough to plan for myself? you once said: "change what you can, but leave be what you cannot." i hold true to that today.
him: i have nothing. i am just a baker. unaccomplished in life. i have no dreams of being a millionaire or a person who can bring you everything.
her: you dont dream of being a millionaire? now thats new for a young man like you. what do you dream of then?
him: i dream.. i dream of peace, serenity. but then again, dreams are meant to be shattered. they never come true.
her: being a pessimist again?
him: no, like i said before, im just a realist.
her: thats what every pessimist says.
Monday, December 11, 2006 @ 5:25 AM
went to sch to paint banner today. we managed to finish the thing. only a few of us turned up, but we did it anyway. (:
went to kfc for lunch with them, laugh at racist jokes. then took train with kelwin on the way to see dentist.
the dentist put in separators for me again.. its gonna be another week of pain. actually, its not as bad as the first time i had separators in my gums.i can chew, but not too hard.
i feel so nerdy. i am actually doing my homework. oh wells.
tomorrow gonna play badminton with wenhao! and hopefully restring my racquet. thursday is farewell dinner for the j2s. i dont know if i can go. but i really hope i can make it.
its not that i arrange too many activities, but rather that too many pop out. i was actually really considering looking for another job but since you said not to waste my time, now im not. its not as if i waste my time away; i study and train hard. i dont think im wasting my time. the holidays are meant for time to pass slower, for my hectic life to slow down. but please dont let it be just another intense study session. i understand that recently i have a lot of things going on, but thats my active life. i really hope you can understand.
Sunday, December 10, 2006 @ 12:29 AM
managed to gather enough willpower to finish my a part of my homework. i finished functions and halogen derivatives. woohoo!
gonna workout later. start about 5, with warmup and then PT. if i still have time i will play a bit of bball. i think i managed to get my appetite back.
im also recovering well from my inability to speak. those strepsils from thailand sure works. ahahah.
have to go back to school tomorrow to help out complete the Ancient banner. and have to leave halfway to go for my dental appointment at 3pm. should i go eat breakfast with the rest? and i still have to learn the dance, gosh.
hopefully i can complete everything before the refresher course on the 29th, then school wont be so rush once Orientation is over. heh. oh and gotta think for more cheers. ahahah.
Friday, December 08, 2006 @ 4:43 AM
been MIA the past few days because of chalet and OGL workshop. but finally, got time to come back here le. lemme see, where should i start.
first day of chalet. met up with the gang to makan lunch at Whitesands before taking bus 89 to changi village. chionged mahjong like mad, total about 12 hours, with only about 1 hour break in between. mahjong madness. that meant i only left the table at about 430am the next day. went to play volleyball and talk cock with the rest until about 6, then went to see the sunrise. it was a waste of time, because the clouds had no where else to park. oh yeah, and the fleet of fishing boats were damn smelly, could smell from far away. eww.
went back to chalet to catch an hour's sleep. after which, wake up to mahjong session again. this time not so bad, only until afternoon. speaking of which, next time play mahjong must go burn incense to quan jie. if not, sure cannot win de. quan jie good to have on your side. oh yah, and must warm up de. if she sit down at the table on your right, you know its time to count your losses and leave. its that powderful.
oh yeah, it was waitsun's birthday. he damn heng he left early. if not.. heheheh.
went home to sleep before going to school for the OGL workshop.
OGL workshop. my Ancient Cheethia is mainly made up of classmates lah, we like dominate the whole of Cheetah house. oh yah not forgetting house captain Pak Tao. hahahah. after the second day, damn shack le. losing my voice, and i think i will be unable to speak tomorrow.
ahh i gotta go revise the mass dance! i cant remember any of the steps! alford save me!
gonna slp soon le. thats what you get after you have only slept 7 hours in 3 days i guess.
yeah. MIA and all i have is sick, tired, sleepy.
tell me why? just tell me why.
Monday, December 04, 2006 @ 4:59 AM
had to travel to toa payoh and back. waste of time. but i managed to pick up my batteries on the way back.
caught LOTR on tv. its the dunno how many times i watch le.
i gotta go pack my stuffs for the chalet tomorrow. i have to remember to bring sch pants as well. goodness. i have to run from changi to yio chu kang on thurs by eight for the OGL workshop. hopefully its fun. alford said its the only time to get high. heh. i wonder how high can my OG get.
lets see how this two days of chalet goes. it'll be interesting to see how things work out.
forgive and forget. its just that forgetting is so hard.
Sunday, December 03, 2006 @ 5:05 AM
sick again. i regained my voice though. i wonder how im gonna survive the chalet without any cash. if only money dropped from the sky. imagine that -- yusof ishak portraits falling from the blue sky, purple and orange silouetted against the pale blue sky. that would be a sight.
i need money money money. money makes the world go round. and so im desperately hoping that i get that adidas job.. please pretty please?
life is never the same without you. my life has changed, for better, for worse. im incomplete. a vital part missing. how could you be gone? i miss you so. i miss you so much, my dear laptop.LOL. XD
Saturday, December 02, 2006 @ 5:49 AM
oh well, the pc is finally up and running. the reformatting didnt take very long. its the trouble of backing up all the stuff that kills. oh well.
emotions. how emotions overpowers. how it overrides our ability to think, to question, to analyse. emotions derides logic, emotions conquers action. the rush of adrenalin, the surge of blood in the eyes and face, the erratic heartbeat.
ever felt it? the surge of anger so hot and blindingly white that all before you is cast into empty and all you ever consider is how to strike back? the thirst for revenge, one might say. contempt, spite. all these are emotions which fight. anger gives you strength. in ways unimaginable. it gives you the energy to destroy, to crush, to obliterate. and when the dust settles, all you feel is regret and contempt for yourself.
ever felt it? the feeling of sorrow so lancing in its strike, you can feel the sting reverberating in your heart. when ever u glance at her/him, you can feel the time slow to a standstill, and all the past memories -- good and bad -- come to overwhelm you in a rush of complexities and a whirlwind of tears of joy and sadness. and then she looks at you, no longer with that light in her/his eyes, and all you can see, feel, hear, touch and smell are the pain and regret. blinded -- not by anger -- but by the emptiness in your heart. empty, like a black hole, sucking everything up in a vortex of debris and black.
why am i saying these things? its because they are the only feelings i can feel nowadays. its not that i cannot be happy, or sad for another reason, or excited about an outing. these two particular emotions seem to overwhelm me in ways unimaginable. is there a cure for the heart? and is there an air-conditioner so powerful is can cool the hottest of fiery anger? i suppose, if there were, we human being wont be as complex as we are.
and just as i was getting over you. this sort of thing had to happen.
Friday, December 01, 2006 @ 6:06 AM
went to the SITEC with patrick today. woot lots of laptops, computers and gadgets, but lacking in peripherals. hahah so my man couldnt get the things he wanted.
go to SITEC if you're looking for eye candy. omg, the place is swarming with them. some in costumes, some walking around, some coming up to talk to you.. heaven. XD
oh yeah and check out the the LG booth. u sure dont wanna miss that one. ahahah.
this computer is also fucked up. no reason why i cant download anything from 5 out of 8 sites. its too weird. and the laptop being screwed, i can say that my internet access is also kinda restricted too. im gonna spend some time reformatting the pc this weekend, before the chalet.
i want that adidas job! i need the cash, especially if im gonna pay for the laptop repair cost. if i can get it, it would be a productive three weeks of work. hopefully xinwei can help me get it. $6 bucks an hour isnt bad.
ive been too busy to think. no time, no space. is that good? 'cos all i ever do is think about you. do we still have a chance? was there ever a chance? LOOK HERE DAMMIT.