Thursday, October 25, 2007 @ 5:19 AM
okay luh. its time for some thanking, so give thanks i shall. thanks to the following people for remembering i was born on 24th october, a day i shall never forget.
in no particular order:
1. yunqian dajie and huairen, for not only remembering, but wishing me early just in case.
2. my bros alford and pat, for the things unspoken, and more importantly, the things not needed to be said.
3. to the shortie charmine, for remembering a month before, and getting it correct the 2nd time.
4. to my dearest clarissa, for standing by me when i needed strength.
5. my brods kr and wil. esp to wil, the for calling me a loser when he forgot and went to play maple.
6. zhutou allena, for all her pinches which kept me awake in tuition class.
7. shuangying and jasline, for that wonderful cheesecake. ill try my best to smile on my other birthdays.
8. mum and dad, for bringing me up and giving me the opportunities i have today.
9. junwei, for being the only person in my Gallant to rmb.
10. evadne, huiqi, jerlyn and josiah, for rmbering despite their studies.
11. xiangfeng and yuxuan, the nicest people in nyjc. haha.
12. chunhong and jowaii, for brightening up my days in class.
13. olivia, and i want a present from my mum!
14. sly, for mixing up christmas and the 24th.
15. teng, for her inspiration on seeing kr and wil.
16. fangqing, for being so random.
17. joanne and wanching, for firing me since im too old.
18. xuewei, for not forgetting my no. even though i forgot hers.
19. nyukmin, for letting me play her PSP.
20. tracy, for remembering EVERYBODY'S birthday.
21. hongchia, for being the last.
22. joanna, for her belated wish.
23. changsheng, having the same birthday as me.
24. cs, for the call.
25. reub, for still remembering me, let alone my birthday.
26. zhaoqin, ziwen, wenting for their testimonials.
27. my boss, for being one of the first.
28. my sis-in-law yuekai, for reminding me abt the next birthday in 3 months.
29. grandma, 小舅, 3rd granduncle and aunt, for your wishes and your ANGBAO.
and to all the people who subconsciously knew there was something going on on the 24th but couldnt tell what, thanks for trying.
oh yeah, kudos to beijing for that rocket launch, heard it was successful. dont try to shoot down anymore satellites okay?
im pathetic.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 @ 6:49 AM
everyone's birthday is special.
today they even launched a rocket in China for me. thanks.
but no one expects to lose someone on their special day. definitely not me.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007 @ 8:49 AM
in the darkness of the night,i dreamedof a faraway place;of the wind and its strength,of the trees and their calm.but as all dreams do,they have an ending,and thence begins a new journey --the end.
@ 8:35 AM
人生自古谁无死？
seems so corny last time. now its not so funny when its applied in your context. i might not know my great-grandmother very well, but i love her more than enough to pray she gets well.
its not fair that we live to die. who decides these damn things anyway? they say one day humans will be immortal. how about those who dont make it to see that day? damn the world and all its cruelty.
damn the sky, damn the sea, damn the people who spit along the street. damn damn damn.
i really think the world is trying to be funny. doing not-so-funny things to people. like a bad joke gone worse. ever seen Hitler telling a joke? the last time he did that, about a million Jews died.
is there a flipside to all this shit? if not, we need some serious crap disposal unit.
enough already.
Monday, October 22, 2007 @ 9:47 AM
he sat on the hill top, gazing at the rising sun. a picture of serenity and immaculate innocent exuded from his round, expressive face. below him, a cattle grazed on the warm slopes, feeding on the lush grass which seemed to stretch out in every direction.
the sun rose slowly, a gradual orange-yellow at first tinging, then highlighting the cloudless, bright blue skies. it rose, almost leisurely, until it hung in its place in the open sky; in his world. yes, it seemed so natural that it belong there, supported without strings, suspended in the sky.
the sun -- its warmth swept the lands. it fed the grass, which fed the animals, which made him content. it was a light in the dark, the wind beneath his wings. the sun was, and had been, his companion since he was there. and he would roll down the slopes of the hill, jubilant that all was well in his world. and he was happy, for many days.
but the sun didnt like its job. it was not content by sitting in the sky, and overlooking the same person and same landscape each day. and as it grew tired of being there, it began to take its time to rise in the sky, until one fateful day, it didnt turn up at all.
and instead of light, there was darkness in the world. the blue, blue skies faded to grey and black. the grass withered and died, and the cattle left in search of greener pastures. and at the end, there was no smile on his face. without the sun, he had lost his ability to be happy. extinguished like a match in the rain, he was empty and broken.
he sat on the hill top, gazing at the empty sky. and as his eyes searched the heavens, he asked, "why?" the question resounded in his head, shockingly loud and clear, in the silence of the dark, dark day. thousands of answers formulated in his head, each one more incoherent and illogical as the other.
and so he sat on the hill, gazing at the empty sky, searching for the answer that he couldnt find.
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i shall try to finish this story asap. try and write the ending to it: i wanna see what happens.
cheers.
@ 9:21 AM
omg! its only ONE more week to the A levels! wahliews, time is too fast for me to think eh.
and i still went to play bball today. wad am i doing sia? play until all my luck gone. but then hor, today is really so damn tyco. haha. the feel is good man.
GP mock exam was crap, i didnt manage to finish (again) and ford was sleeping lah! tsk tsk.
saw cw and yk on the way out of school. they were going to IMM paktoh lah! brings back memories.. oh wells. thou shall not emo.
kfc is a terrible place to study. period. so i suggested bball. ford, kah hwee, geng liang joined in. and i think kr almost fainted lah! tsk. im a bad influence kids, so stay away from me if possible.
im officially a free man. a sober and hardened one, but a free man nonetheless. and its constituent of my freedom that i shall express myself in the wee hours of the morning.
okay luh, now i really dunno what im typing le. i guess its kinda sian to look at the time flying away from you throughout this period. im sick and tired of worrying about my results and my future. im sick and tired of looking at things which i cannot see myself doing. its exhausting to put oneself in a position which one cannot thrive in.
oh and uh, i passed my previous 2 essays. whoopee-doo. i think 'nearly there' really is too far for comfort.
time passes too quickly -- before you know it, its all over. people dont understand that they should treasure what they have and make the best of it before its all over. nothing lasts forever. not even love.
love is a relative concept. i love you, you love me, we are happy family. its a multiple-way thing for it to work. so one-sided feelings for someone isnt called love. no, not even if you break a couple of legs for him/her. thats plain stupidity.
call me a loser, but im seriously beginning to lose faith in that word. "love". sounds so exhalted and holy. but its the root cause of most of the pain and suffering felt by pimply, bespectacled teenagers all over the world.
eh, dont get me wrong hor. im not discouraging people to love. for godsake people, go out there and love each other. but whatever you do, dont get in the way of others. please, dont. if its one thing i learnt from a GP compre paper, its that ideals dont co-exist. they are like giving a terrorist c4 and a fuse. (okay, bad example.)
you just dont do it.
aiyah, sian already lah. dunno why im wasting time here.
buhbyes.
Friday, October 12, 2007 @ 7:02 AM
relac brudder!
class leaders of o6/o6
me, my gay partner, and his girlfriend. HAHA.2 
men and a crazy boy.
me and my aj idol partner!
me and the class 美女s!
brothers always!
me and mr seng trying to be farnie.
DE Camp SIs! (or those who turned up.)
bang bang bang!
me and my chao ah lian.
aj wushu rox!
emo kids. tsk tsk.
nothing more spas then being in wushu. period.
the rest of the pictures are in my friendster. go kapoh if you want. haha. cheers people!
Friday, October 05, 2007 @ 7:09 AM
its a friday! so i am on break. tomorrow will resume mugging. amk library, 10 am. pia all the way until evening. woot!
okay people, there are 24 more days to A levels, not counting today. jiayou!
lotsa people birthday coming.. seems that october is a popular month to be born eh? haha.
i really envy the jc1s sia. their promos are now over, and they're free to have fun and enjoy. those were the days man. when i look back and think about it, i thought it would be fun to be in jc2 with my friends. but then again, its so stressful, and time flies so fast to take away the things precious to you.
given the question, if i could turn back time and redo my life from scratch, i would probably claim that i would change my past for the better.
but once i think deeper, and dig real deep, i dont think im a person who is strong enough to change like that. and this time, i dont think its a sign of weakness or inability. this is who i am. and this is how i have lived, and gonna live the rest of my life. the future may be harder for me than others, but this is the only way im gonna get through. its no point wishing this or that, or resigning myself to my "fate" or whatever the heck you call it.
so what if i fail? so what if i fall? does it really matter if you lose today?
lose today to fight another day. if its not tomorrow, then the day after. if not, the day after next. or next, or next, or next. i dont really care. we shouldnt really care.
cos if we do, we'll be so tangled up in today that tomorrow is hard to come by. and when it does, we're so exhausted that it passes by so quickly you cant react. 'cos thats no fantasy world where your whim and fancy comes to life with a simple thought -- snap back to reality.
oops, there goes gravity. do you feel heavy? yeah, thats good cos it proves you're human. not even the world's greatest men and women feel differently. in the truth of it all, we're just human -- flesh, blood and emotion.
emotion is what makes us so distinctly human, as we express it differently from different animals. dogs or cats or monkeys or fish even, feel pain like we do. but do we know that? hardly, as we can only interpret their shrieks and noises through our intuition and logical guesses. emotion. is it a boon or bane? is what makes us, US? or is it something redundant?
some people call me emo. i guess its normal, albeit not exactly preferable if you're social life is wild and up. perhaps thats why people around me are so perturbed when they see me down. in their rationality, perhaps they forgot that i am also human, and not the perception or image which registered in their mind when we first met.
perceptions change. i read in the news lately about this reporter who has a gay friend. my opinion has nothing to do with the related person's sexual orientation, but rather what the reporter had mention in his/her (i cant rmb!) article.
he/she had said something along this line (i think. if i had wrongly interpreted the meaning, i apologise.) -- it was interesting to have a new friend, but once the novelty wore off, a new and deeper meaning to friendship appeared. (i think i got it wrong. but what the heck.)
deeper meaning, meaning? good or bad? cos some friends seem distant when you get closer to them. some people whom you thought were your friends, who had just discovered something they dont like about you, now distance themselves away. hell, what does friendship mean?
its too deep, too profound for words to describe. friendship is not something you can say, but perhaps something you'll experience someday. someday. why? cos friendship only shows when people develop a feeling and bond through trials and times. its not an overnight thing, its not a "me-and-you" feeling. friendship, is strength; is empathy; is courage; is love. its a million other things to billions of other people. but what matters most, is what it means to you.
it can mean a million joys when people feel the same way, but its a BILLION heartbreaks when they dont. i dont really mean you should go get the whole world to love you. but i mean that one should try to love the whole world.
its why people do unrealistic things for people who couldnt give a damn about them; its why you couldnt burn that picture. its what turn men and women into drunkards; its why you (its another you) still cant let go. its what differentiates strong from weak; its why im still the latter.
its why people cry when their loved ones die; its why you cant bear to let her go. its why you'd give up your life for her; its why you feel numb from the pain. its why people kill in the name of their loved ones; its why its such a feeble excuse.
2006 - 2007 has been eventful. good and bad. ups and downs. i can tolerate my failures. i can tolerate my mistakes. the damage done was limited to myself, so i can take it.
but i cant stand that i had hurt you. that i had hurt other people. people who trusted me, people who depended on me. people who loved me.
and thats the worst thing.
and people, at the end of this incredibly long post. i just wanna say.
im sorry. and i love you.
Monday, October 01, 2007 @ 4:39 AM
im here for a quickie.
time really flies, its now october.
i have tons of homework. and im afraid i cant finish studying for my As. but i will try. (:
i have tuition make up on 17th and 24th this month. the latter is my birthday! zzz.
since im on the topic, might as well make a wishlist here:
1. wallet
2. adidas watch
3. pencilbox
see? im nt tt greedy. haha. but i guess wishes will remain wishes.
im kinda worried tt my enlistment will happen before prom! all that money going to waste. and forfeiting the chance to see my pals and school all dressed up and nice. bleah.
i miss the old days. carefree, heck-care.
and all the people who made it that way.
