Tuesday, October 10, 2006 @ 4:26 AM
Reflections
today's school was kinda dry, as all we had was project work. the op lecture was funny but
otherwise boring. i found the lecturer quite an interesting person -- he as a mature adult -- is quite well versed in stuff like russell peters and
what the fuck? lol my hand gesture was noticed immediately.
also attended the facilitator training for the open house on saturday. spencer was so lame today la,
i literally froze in the lecture theatre. learning the mass dance was/is a problem. i forgot all the
moves since orientation. gotta brush up.
about saturday, i still dont know what to do. i mean, after the open house, am i still gonna go to
olivia's bbq? im still pissed at what he said but am i really gonna just go and dont care? what if he
gets so mad and throws me out? even worse, what if i hurt his feelings? have i actually considered
that?
she said i could have talked to him in another way. could i? i really am confused now. he said he
doesnt care. was there any other way i could have done it? however i still feel that his judgement
was unreasonable. maybe i should apologise. they are my parents after all.
i suck at this blame game, maybe its all my fault, and im falling because i failed to notice that.
i dont wanna be stuck in this phase forever, and i still wanna get out. but should i try another way?
i need answers. i need a shrink. damn i dont have money.
talking about money, i realised that i am really paranoid and UNREASONABLE when im pissed. i cant even think rationally. i even thought about what i would do if he disowned me. argh get out of my head! i wanna be optimistic. i wanna see a silver lining. (though i prefer gold)
went to buy oli's present today. actually is cher shean choose de. i dunno how to buy present. i just bought the card nia. den we split. haha hope she doesnt get offended by the card lol. oops im saying too much. you'll see!
gonna go racing now, and thinking.
peace out.