Wednesday, November 01, 2006 @ 7:01 AM
had GP lecture today. it was better than normal, the lecturer was good ( the only one ) and seemed nice. physics started on gravitation, and alford starting talking about some theory abou the universe not getting pulled into gravity, or something like that. op rehearsal sucked, our coordination was terrible ( mostly my fault ), and im sorry guys.
chinese a levels on friday! i cant believe that its so fast. im at a loss at how to study for it. all i can do now is read and read. does it really help? i just wonder. its too late, i guess, to think about all these now. all i can hope for is the best, and that we'll all survive this final test. just think, a few more days and i will not have another chinese examination for the rest of my life (if i pass, that is. )
i dont know what to make of it. voices telling me this and that, leading me by a hook in my heart; pulling me around. im moving in circles; i cant interpret what im supposed to understand. why can my thoughts move in circles? they revolve around the same few people. i dont know what is wrong, maybe im being overly-sensitive. i should have realised that im perfectly hopeless at what i do, failure at this sort of thing is just part and parcel of my life. really, truly, hopeless, i am. i look around, and i see happiness in others. i go out, see people go in pairs, and i feel so alone. oh why does testosterone ( did i spell it right? )
have to fuck up our lives? if only we didnt feel this way, we would be happier? i feel worse when other people dont cherish what they have, or what they used to have. i mean, i have my own fucking problems and you're not making it any better. talk about digging the wound deeper.