Thursday, November 09, 2006 @ 7:05 AM
op exam today, so i woke up extra early to reach school by 7. the alarm rang at 530, but somehow i still was late. fell asleep countless times on the train today, so much so that people didnt wanna sit next to me! XD ah well all the more space for me..
i was kinda nervous before the op started. omg the first speaker of the first group was quite
zai lah! made me more scared! worried that they will pull my marks down.. but then again lucky got moderator for the first group. the presentation went rather smoothly, i didnt miss any cues from the slides, and didnt stumble during my part. first time after all the rehearsals, got it right at the last minute.
i got lucky during q&a, the questions posed to me were about my original part in the proposal. i guessed the question that mr chan asked me! haha.
im happy that PW is finally over, but then again, looking back at the year full of project work, it was truly enjoyable memories. i will miss AJ026, with my heart, the times we spent crapping (actually tat was ALL the times) and doing research. the ideas, the meetings, meals, rehearsals..
it has become such a quintessential part of my JC life that it seems wrong without it. thank you AJ026, for all these pleasant memories. we have finally managed to overcome the odds and successfully complete the project. i believe we can get a band 1 next year! *whoosh!*
not forgetting all those people who have helped us in one way or another, thank you. this would not have come off well without you.
am i turning apathetic? i really feel numb, i cant feel any sympathy, anger, joy in things now. all i can feel is frustration. why do i feel this way? what is the root cause of all this irritation? its a bone in my throat in cant dislodge. do i set targets too high? is that why im frustrated? pissed off at myself, and the people around me.
im sorry if i seem like a total asshole nowadays, i promise ill try to change. ill try my best to change.
no, its not because of you. do you even know about this part of my posts? the part where i can completely divulge my feelings without saying it behind a mask; a white faceless mask. that empty white space is where i transmute what i want people to see. i am a hypocrite onto myself, and i cant help myself. i really cannot imagine people seeing me, in my true form. i am scarred, disfigured. do you want to see that part of me? people will start leaving my side if i do. will they? i truly dont know. i do not know what to cherish, what to call true, what is everlasting and eternal. but one thing is sure. LOVE IS NEVER ETERNAL.