Saturday, May 24, 2008 @ 5:56 PM
im back for this short weekend break.
things are gonna heat up in OCS soon. and im not sure im ready for it. i mean, theres a limit to everything we do, right? what if i hit that limit? what if i cant go further.
i know we're supposed to be surpassing our boundaries and exceeding our limits. thats what our training is about. but its very demoralizing when you try so hard, and yet you're so far. the gap keeps getting bigger and bigger. and running is the only way to keep up.
im really afraid that i will fall out, that i wont make the cut. i wanna keep going, keep going further. and i definitely wanna make that officer rank worthwhile.
what some people dont realize about me is that i require peer support to move on. encouragement, approval or even recognition from the people around me are forms of affirmation and motivation.
superficial? perhaps i am. but i guess the psychological impact on the mind is there.
im just kinda tired of all this. my body is aching, my heart is empty.
my heart always goes with you. always.