Friday, October 03, 2008 @ 8:36 AM
i was just reading through the previous posts i had since i started this blog. i realize this blog is full of rantings. all my sorrow, happiness and anger poured into this page.
and i see myself. how is daryl different from the person he was 2 years ago?
and i guess the answer is: nothing.
im still the same old person i was. what is different then?
my environment. i now live in surroundings which demand self-sufficiency and independence, much unlike the past where i could always rely on friends and family. emotionally i had my friends there to lend a shoulder or share their warmth when i needed them.
now, in the army, emotions are invalid. they are irrelevant, as long as you make a moral and rational decision. i guess thats why i seem so distant and withdrawn. why i seem so serious all the time and no longer possess that "fun factor" in me.
but i think im no different, just that probably im lacking in the proper stimuli to bring out those aspects of me. all the crazy things i did and silly things i say to make people smile, they're still in me.
deep down inside, beneath all these layers, im still the big softie i was. and i will always be.
im trying hard to find back the person i was. to be honest, id prefer him because life seems so much more fun with him. the current me doesnt have a particularly enjoyable life because the foundations of that life are crumbling.
and so here i am. a bricklayer of my own; im trying to build back who i was. and slowly but surely ill finish building my house, for my own persona.
i dont wanna lose anyone else.