Saturday, December 23, 2006 @ 5:43 AM
another wasted day, time flying away. time seems so irrelevant, so surreal now that im always subconsciously preoccupied. so many things to do, so little time.
hope. quintessentially the source of man's greatest strength and his greatest weakness. quoted from the matrix reloaded. however truthful it may seem, hope seems to have its darker side. its perspective, perhaps, how hope affects individuals. coming from me, the realist aka pessimist, i give all hope to others but leave none for myself.
at my peak and prime, hope seems to provide me strength and incentive to carry on. incentive, i might add, is different from motivation. incentive is much like a pull factor, whilst motivation is a push factor. hope is the reason, perhaps, that people excel at what they do best. and perhaps explaining my screwed up physics grade. why? 'cause people give up too easily. i have yet to meet a person who is truly strong-willed to carry on even after suffering setbacks. this is reality -- people are scarred by their failures, no matter how small or insignificant their failures can be. its the psychological effect of failing, which makes success look so much more bleak. and hence, people then tend to focus on what they're succeeding at, instead of paying attention to their mistakes. and that, friends, would be the cause of the downfall of intelligence, at the hands of emotions.
hope, the escape route for all failures. what a way to describe it.
and then again, when im down for the count, when im wallowing in self-pity, when im reflecting and cursing the pompous people who think they can carry on. it disappears. completely. its funny isnt it? that things we need the most vanish when we need them most? reality bites.
i may not seem like much, but dont hate me for being realistic. dont hate me for hating myself for not being strong enough. dont. please dont.
i admit, im weak. not physically, but psychologically; emotionally. im a sucker for novels, you know why? 'cause it brings me into a world where things which can never happen, happen.
im missing my better half; im missing a part of me. that part of me is you. or is it? perhaps im still delusional. perhaps im still dreaming. why is it i dont have the strength to look forward? 'cause reality just sucks.